Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
