Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
