We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
