If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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