Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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