You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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