On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
