I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just pynch a tree in the face
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize