My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can I color on your dick again?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
