my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
