Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
