you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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