My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
