Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
