i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
