the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
lets start a swedish sibling band together
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
