She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
