He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
