nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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