i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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