i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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