Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
