I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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