that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
