her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize