my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
