Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
