Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
