she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
