Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
