HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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