Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize