I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
