Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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