Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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