I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
tell me about the fingering
Randomize