Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
