Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
