It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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