Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
