dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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