i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
