are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
