There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
