I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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