I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I need help removing her.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
