chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a naked man in my car right now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
