She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So many bounce houses so little time
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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