Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
