so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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