in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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