Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
