so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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