Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
