i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I could make wine with my vomit
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
