But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
