Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
