Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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