at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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