My friends, they love my intelligence
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
