Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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