I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
