So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
