OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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