why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my shit smells like andre
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
